Day 1 of 30

Yesterday, I turned 30. That was the youngest I'd ever be in my 30s, and I wanted to have a blast at it.

Vanessa kindly took leave to spend the day with me. We went down to have breakfast at kfc, then drove down to NTU to reminsce how the start of 20s was like. Then I met Fangqi and Huangying for dinner at dessert at Clarke Quay... and... life felt... good. Not great. But it was good.

At the back of my mind, I wondered if Alex might has sent me the e-card he joked about. And in the deeper pit of my heart, I allowed myself to fantasize on the possibility of him flying back to give me a hug, or send me flowers, or send me a cake.

The moment I returned, I checked my facebook. I checked my inboxes on all my email accounts.

There was nothing.

There was however, a curious new email from Jianquan (he has his own folder from long ago... and emails from his auto filters there). I opened it. It was him wishing me happy birthday. And he was in Maldives with his wife.

And it makes me wonder... which is worse?? That the love of my life at this moment doesn't even so much as wish me happy birthday, or that the love of my life in the past decade wishes me happy birthday while he is on his 2nd honeymoon with his wife... the role I had spent a good half of my 20s thinking would be me.

So at the end of Day 1 - life is good. But it is cruel. And it still ain't gonna be a smooth ride.

But I've lived through it once and survived, so I know these things won't fall me. It's gonna be another one of those hard pills to swallow.

But I know... that once I let the pills settle in, they make me stronger. Some take longer. But the point is, I will live.

Happy 30, me.