The Most Terrible Day Yet...

I woke up at 6.30am, to hear that the ambulance was on its way to my house. My brother had taken 50 anti-depressants prescribed to him by his psychiatrist last week. He was only supposed to take 2.5 tablets per day, MAX.

I can't explain how guilty I feel... on Sunday, I had told him to go take some actions toward killing himself instead of just talking about it. I even blogged it.

Hey... I do mean it when I say that I would respect his decision to end his life etc. But I didn't realise just how deeply pierced my own heart could feel.

I had spoken to 6 psychiatrists, 8 policemen, countless condescending doctors, army officers... to give my statement. The interrogation, shame, pressure... is all madness to me.

And all these assholic civil servants, didn't care much about how me and my family feel, cos they needed to get their civil duty fulfilled.

I fear the worst for my unstable brother... who'd have to face the same set of interrogations the moment he gets out of his coma.

The worst of the lot was this particular MALAY policeman, who was pushing my bro like a dog when I entered the room. I was so fucking enraged! I asked me how I can help (still composed), and he went something like "oh... you know him arh? can you ask him to wake up?"

FUCK YOU MALAY PORKLARD!!!

I told him he is expected to wake up only within the next 3 days according to the doctor. And the pig had the cheek to substantiate his fucking stupid former question with "you mean... he is unconscious??"

I so feel like lashing at him - NO, PORKLARD, I mean to say that you'll need the password to get him to respond to you.

I KNEW malays are pigs... but who'd have thought they are such lardheads?!?!?

I used to be able to tolerate and live with the idea and fantasy that these lardheads won't corrupt the humanland forever... that they could one day be mysteriously teleported to a fifth dimension (not even fourth cos it's too close to our 3rd dimension) world and we have no more stupid people on earth.

now, I just feel like it would be SO perfect if there can be a cosmic ball of fire that will pluck out all these lardheads from the humans like a huge magnet, and blast them into NOTHINGNESS... cos they are so blardy too dirty and dark to even be visible as stars!

I SO FUCKING HATE MALAYS.