Goodbye My Lover

For the last 4+ years, I have liked the same man. I have changed alot for him... and he has changed alot for me.

For the last 4 months... i had spent the happiest days of my life with him even though we are miles apart. Things might not haven been as intricately sweet as they had been in the beginning. But I felt more sure about him being the one person I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with.... more sure than I have ever felt about anyone... more sure than I have ever felt about him.

But he can't get along with any of my friends. Especially the more important ones.

So I have decided to let him go.

When couples, married or not, leave each other.... the years passed between them must be the most difficult part they have to let go of. But they can seat back, and reflect on how the love they once had, left.

I am watching how I let my love, leave.

Internal devastation had never felt as intense as it does now.

ouch

I do love him very much... much more than what I myself could possibly imagine...

I wish no one would come totell me to get over him, or get over it... he's not worth it etc.

He is the love of my life. Without him, I may still be clinging onto memories of Nicholas.... even thoughI could not possibly marry Nicholas.

Until I find a new reasin for existing... I do not wish to feel happy about anything, nor be involved with anything.

Letting go of him... I can't love anything.... object, matter, people, asthetics.... anymore...