我永远只能作只昆虫吗?

This generally hasn't been a happy year for me. Everytime I feel like I am in the pits, there are more large scale catastrophies that remind me of how much I am taking what blessings I have for granted... but I guess I'm just not a fighter... cos' it won't be very much longer before I feel the fire in me waning...

I spoke of myself in a pursuit of my fantastical dream job... I made countless plans that never materialized... I had to take back my words on some occasions...

Maybe... I do not know what I want afterall...

For many things, I did not get the future that I expected out of it. I shudder to think of the unpresent future that hasn't arrive... and I am afraid of making any expectations of my future... cos I'm starting to think that maybe dreams do come true... but just not so for me...

My family weighs heavily on my mind, shoulders and heart...

I wish I can offer my life to someone who may treasure Life more than I do at this point...

I no longer know what I want in my life at this point cos it's been too long since I got anything I want I guess...

Are these the hardships that are supposed to mould me into a stronger person?
Are these the tripping stones to remind me that my feet would forever be on ground no matter how much I may wish to fly?
Am I fated to be the caterpillar who never grew out of the cacoon?
Is this reality... starkingly presented to me to tell me that there is no long-lived happiness?
Was Polar Express trying to tell me that the power of Believe only exist in fairy tales?

如果我 不曾走过这一遍
生命中 还有多少苦 和甜美
那风中的歌声
孤单哽咽的声音是谁
回忆中 那个少年
为何依然不停的追

想要征服的世界
始终都没有改变
那地上无声蒸发我的泪
黑暗中期待光线
生命有一种绝对
等待我 请等待我
知道约定融化成笑颜

Those who Believe, please remind me that my fairy tale may one day come true... whatever it may be...

I don't quite trust the world nor myself anymore.