Don't Make MY Ideal Your Problem.

You out there who think I am aloof, idle & impatient, listen up:

The fact is that, I probably do not give a damned about your less than perfect life - be it about some ah beng BF you're having, about some broken toe nail, the pek pek taxi driver, your dead pet, your low paying job and long working hours.... etc etc. This should logically explain why I do not make any comment about it, or seem like I cannot be bothered with you.

I had tried my best to respond when I rolled my eyes at you, or sounded like I made a pitch through my nostrils in my snigger, or told you that 我不董该说些麝么. (for those who can't read chinese fonts, it says: wo bu dong gai shuo xie she me... ie, I don't know what to say...)

(I know I say really mean things sometimes. But then again, you probably agitated me first. And please be mature enough to realise that YOU have the choice to walk away from my comments and leave me looking like a I-love-talking-to-myself idiot. Who ask you to stand there and listen on?)

Elaborating: Chances are, I have accepted you, as is, with all the imperfections about yourself that you speak of or displayed. If I were you, I'd be grateful.

Meanwhile, whether you want to accept me as you know me, I don't care. Neither my character manual nor birth cert specified that I can't live without your acceptance.

But in the meantime, please do not try to impose your (pathetic) philosophy onto me! I absolutely hate people telling me what is right, what is wrong for me to do.

Even when I ask for opinions, LOOK!!! It's always about: what would YOU do if you were me? You can suggest (or don't bother about me if you should decide so), but if you do speak, please do not expect me to embrace your words as if they came from the bible or sutras.

I am in MY pursuit of my ideals... of what I believe is perfect TO ME. I feel shaky now and then, but that's short term issues, and I do have my big picture in sight.

Most of the time, I do not bother you when you do stupid things and make your stupid decisions that I cannot agree with. I just respect your decision and leave you as it is.

But if you ask me to, I would speak my mind. But I do not care if you take heed anot, cos' I am speaking my thoughts out of obligation upon your request.

And don't blame me for being irritated when you make me repeat my thoughts over and over again with you. (Eg: over the same broken heart you have, over the same problems. only difference being it's a new heartbreaker this time). Alternatively, please take the initiative to tape down what I have said so you can playback my words to yourself when you need it.

Coming back....

I just don't understand why anyone should interfere with the piece of heaven I am trying to create for myself.

I'm thinking along the line of the old chinese saying about how "you walk in your sun-lit avenue, and I'll walk in my single-plank bridge."

And keeping things that way to please both you and me.

You can start telling me I am selfish, lazy, irresponsible, disrespectful, fickle-minded, hopeless, useless, idle, unmotivated, bummer, rude... it may affect me no doubt. But it won't get me down too hard I tell you, cos' like I said, there is NO ONE I can't do without.

You can name every single bad quality you can think of, and superimpose it upon the Huini/Jovelyn you know. But hey! That's what YOU think of me, so that is YOUR problem. I know myself, and if there's a problem I have with myself, I will solve it, if it bothers me enough.

And alas...

I am 23, and I dare say I have only 2 regrets in my life thus far... as it has been for the past 4 years. That's just now I lead my life - A life without regrets as far as I can control it. I have come to terms with those 2 regrets, and hence, I can live with it for the rest of my life.

What you say about me, the kind of impression you have of me etc really doesn't bother me, cos I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life with what comes out of your foul trap and what goes on in your peabrain... isn't it?

Meanwhile, can you count your regrets as confidently as I have?

Or, can you even recognise the mistakes you make at each and every point, instead of crying about them only 50 years down the road? Are you gonna be able to live with yourself in your later years?

So, the next time you start thinking that I am aloof, idle, impatient... save the effort and leave me alone.

I am too busy planning and pursuing my perfect life to want to know what's going on in your head.

And I do not care if you know what I am doing cos' I don't believe you'd understand it anyway.