Taking Life Slow... Like A Moon Jelly

I went to Sentosa on Saturday with 16 rather-strangers-people... they are participants of an executive course I am working for now (ok... temp job... not worth much mention...)...

I have seen how jellyfishes have so totally captivated Spongebob... and heard about how they are transparent. And all I thought was simply...

Yah right. Stupid people trying to convince me they can see something INVISIBLE floating in the water... water being transparent in the first place...

(Spongebob is different... jellyfishes in Spongebob are purple in color... haha :p)

But gosh!! You really CAN see a jellyfish!!! And it IS transparent!!!

And I LOVE JELLYFISH!!!

And it makes me so happy to feel this connection with Spongebob! haha...

Sidetracking... I did feel like I wanted to eat the jellyfish... mouth started salivating before I realised it... haha! Strangely, I do realise I always feel like eating the edible swimming things that I see in aquariums. I got scolded by my mom for suggesting that the Luohan fish that used to be in the house looks plump enough for eating... I still constantly wonder if the Louhan fish in my grandma's house would taste better steamed or fried... heh

I like the Moon Jelly especially much! It's the one in the picture. The pinkness is caused by the lighting. Not too clear cos my phone's resolution isn't good. But... I love the way the pinkness allows me to think that I have merged the love of Spongebob's life with the color of Patrick, his best friend, my fav character... haha :p

Anyway, the moon jelly is simply captivating... probably as a result of having a remote "illuminating effect" (ok... prob due to the artificial lighting in the enclosure...).

And the way they unassumingly blob blob blob around... looking like they are breathing in and out everytime they blob... but yet... you'll suspect they are NOT breathing cos there isn't any air bubbles etc.

More interstingly, I was intrigued by what the board in front of the tank says:

A jellyfish has no brain, no heart and no real eyes. Its body is made up of 95% water.....

Wow!!

I decided that I'm gonna wish to be a jellyfish on my next birthday!!!

I hate to think. I hate to feel emotional about things. I hate to see disgusting things around me. And I AM already about 80% water-content... I think...

Hey! It's not gonna be too difficult to get there... isn't it?!?!?

(Actually... come to think of it... I don't really understand what it means by 'no real eyes'... But as part of the become-jellyfish-act... I cannot question too much...)

Oh oh!!

And a jellyfish can one fine day decide to SPLIT itself up into smaller jellyfishes, such that one jellyfish ---> MANY small jellyfishes!!!

Man... it must be damned exciting to suddenly have a dozen miniatures of myself!!!

I want to be called Jovelyn Jelly Tay!!

The Aries Man

I dreamt of my beloved Olivier last night... in a very beautifully happy kind of way (yeah.. considering how I choose to see the world in a beautiful light currently... haha)...

I was supposed to be his kept woman... cos his family doesn't allow for an Asian girl... and he paid $70 for me to attend his D&D with him... hahah!

Hey... D&D IS coming up on 22 Oct as I found out from my ex-colleagues... so... I'm keeping my stumpy fingers crossed for that little shot of havingmy dreams come true... haha....

I woke up at 7 am with the dream so clear and vivid in my head... I smsed many people to tell them about it! haha! It's one of my happiest dreams ever I think.

I've liked many people... butches, non-butches-but-tomboyish-people (yes yes... aka 'actives'), guys, cartoons...

But I've not liked many MEN! And Olivier is just... well... potentially the only MAN I have liked!

Yeah.

The rest are really quite no balls la. Butches & actives can excuse... but... the rest... still really no balls la...

The male species specific are pretty much... rubbishy characters. Yes... I did like them very much... but they are not characters I can proudly NAME on my blog... unlike Olivier...

Heh heh heh... (cheap thrill out of seeing his name... haha)

Anyway, I woke up feeling energized... and found a renewed motivation to pursue one of the thousand million things I want in my life...

And so, I enthusiastically sent emails in response to job cuttings that I have accumulated over the past 3 weeks... those that specify "Willing to travel"...

Shit... I just realised I took 3 weeks to get over a SG guy... &$%&#...

My craving to be a jetsetter is back! I suddenly miss the apprehensive fear in going abroad alone... the last minute rush in packing my bags... the arrival at some place new and realise I have forgotten to bring the 5-10 most important things I can't live without...

Yes... I miss the feeling of self-importance that I felt. I miss the feeling of feeling like a smartass when can get my way around anywhere and everywhere with a map. And I miss going around feeling lost... and opening my golden mouth to ask strangers for directions etc...

I miss acting busy... and BEING busy...

I don't want to be in Singapore cos I know that I know my way around this island better than most people do. It bores, not to mention disgusts, me... that most men and women would get more lost than I would, when u plonk them into any obscure corner of Singapore. And isn't it so so so so so boring when you watch the news and you just know which shopping centre or which exact section of East Coast your health minister is launching some Qigong Week on a Sunday?

Maybe I like getting myself lost... and yet not feel helpless. I love not knowing where I am, and how much time I need to get out of an undefined space (I am trying to leave out mazes... I hate confined spaces)... I love that feeling... of fear making my heart so very fast... and yet... beating even faster at knowing that I am gonna find my way out really soon...

I don't want to be lazy anymore...

And it takes an Aries Man to make me realise that...

Hahah...:p

Different Agendas

My dad really loves my sis. We won't go into whether he is being wise about that. But... he really loves her.

Well... in a comparative manner that it.

When I went for the recent overseas trip, my dad either (a) didn't even send me off or (b)drove me to the airport, nag all the way AND do not even get off the driver's seat to help me unload the luggage.

For sis, he even parked the car in the very expensive carpark... so we can walk her to the gate.

(FYI, sis walked to the gate on her own while dad went to the toilet. Mom and I watched her back intensely for 5mins. At NO POINT in time did she even turn back to see if we were keeping up with her. And when I told her about how I think dad really obviously loves her... her reply was "they have hidden agenda one la. they want to see if i am really going with connie" You make the judgment)

Anyway, parents and I went for dinner after that... at Bedok North to eat the infamous mincemeat noodles.

To cut the long story short... let me give a summary of what each of us in the car were thinking of ...

Dad (in his head and spoken...)
Last time I drive Taxi always come here and eat one leyyyy....

Mom (yeah.. in the head and sore heart)
I knew it. You've finally admitted what you denied 14 yrs ago! You WERE seeing the bedok woman!

Me (in my head and on blog)
So nostalgic... there are still as many cats in hawkers... you CAN get a free meal on earth... so shiok to eat fried oysters without having to pay out of my own pocket...

I wonder if mom is sad... or what?? It must be a torture to NEVER enjoy mincemeat noodles in Bedok... just cos it is where you think your husband's ex-mistress stays... isn't it?

'S' for Superwoman or Slut

On a day when temperatures soared to an all time high of 258 degrees celsius, Ah Beng's eyes brilliantly decided to get sore... allowing Ah Beng and Ah Jart to stay at home.

On this same day, Mrs Tay unflinchingly came up with a list of 25,584,652 tasks for me to do.

1) Wake up at 10+ to drive Shea back from school... which is ONE carpark away. Yet, I gotta spend 10 mins walking to the multi storey carpark, dodge 2 cats, climb up to blardy level 7... to drive to the kindergarten carpark 3 mins away!! WTF?!?!?
2) Drive to Serangoon Ave 3 to buy lunch.
3) Drive to grandma's house to pass her TWO loaves of bread + some super sour bah luku.
4) Drop by market to buy some wu-arh-bo (literally... have-don't-have...)
5) Drop the lunch at home for aunties.

.....Rest... Eat Lunch... Thinking I can go and sleep after lunch... But realise I must have been daydreaming.....

6) Drive to her best friend's house to pass her ONE LOAF OF BREAD!!!!
7) Drive to NTUC to buy groceries and Shea's diapers.
8) Buy 4D.
9) Drive Ah Beng to the doctor (but heng Ah Beng was in a rush and left while I was in the toilet... haha)

Look.

I slept at 5am.

All I get is a free lunch and a bed to sleep in.

Well... I should rephrase: All I get is a free lunch and a bed (to sleep in.)... cos I DO NOT GET TO SLEEP in it that much, what with the thousand million things I am made to do la!!!

Man... I felt so cheap today.

And the temperature making me perspire so much just made me feel so much like a blangah.

Cheap. Sweaty. Smelly. Under unreasonable boss. Under rewarded. Choiceless.

But... as much as I complained and whined, I didn't mind it as much as I normally would have...

Cos 3 days ago, she put on her glasses whilst in the midst of a conversation over the phone... held the call... to help me secure the clasp of my catham pendent necklace.

Yes. It took 2 seconds. And I did ask for it.

But it made me feel like she was inconvenience-ing herself to do something for ME! I can't bear to change into the pearl necklace that Shing bought for me cos what I have on my neck now is A NECKLACE THAT MY MOM PUT ON FOR ME!!!

Dammit.

Now I feel EASY. Cheap. Sweaty. Smelly. Under unreasonable boss. Under rewarded. Choiceless.

BLEAH.

(I'll end with a footnote that today is a happy day cos I finally braced enough courage to sms Olivier!! And he replied TWICE!! I have decided that I will not THROW myself at him, but I will CHARGE at him!! (You are right. I can hardly convince myself there's a difference as well.) I did not succeed in meeting him today cos he's in KL. But... when the pimples on my face clears, and Olivier is back... he and I shall meet. HaHaHaHaHa...)

Noble Ambition?

It's been 6 months and 7 days since I was last on any official payroll.

Let me get this straight - I WILL ANNOUCE IT to EVERYONE somehow when I DO get a job! Via Blog, sms, call, email, mother, meeting... YES! I will let you know even if I think you are a loser, just so I can get you off my back!

So stop asking me if I am working yet.

Otherwise, accept my scornful tone with you... accept it when I am kind enough to reply "NOTHING" to you.

DO NOT COUNTER-REPLY with a HUH!?

And I do wanna get a job now... cos I would like to earn some money to pay for my aunts' travel.

It's not like they made any requests to have trips whatsoever... but they more or less brought me up, and now that I get to travel around quite freely, I want to let them do the same thing... or even bring them along with me where I can afford to.

And it feels really horrible that I have to currently lie to/hide it from them that I'm going Perth with my parents this coming November. Mom says she doesn't want them to feel gian about it... and one of my aunts are gonna feel grudgy about having to be left at home to take care of Shea...

They hadn't had much in their lives... being taken for granted as nannies to my generation... and even the next one (Shea). They have been described as weirdos, strange, psychotic, adultress blah blah...

But to me... I guess they deserve more...

I suddenly feel like such a selfish person.

I suddenly realise it is NOT enough that I am independent.

I should be providing.

But such provisions should of course be restricted for those who deserve it.

For a long time, I have felt upset about how I can never repay my grandma for what she has given to me. But... I lost track of the returns I CAN provide for the 2 other aunts who brought me up... for the 2 aunts who have stopped my mom from imflicting more physical and psychological on me as a kid.

And I feel like such an ingrate now.

If I just work for 3 months as a rubbishy temp... that should give me maybe $2 of savings (taureans can save a lot... especially if they are born in the year of the rooster as well)... and that should allow me to bring them to Bangkok or Phuket or a cruise...

I need to start planning... and Christmas is coming...

HIYAH!!! Where am I gonna find so much money?!?!?!