我永远只能作只昆虫吗?

This generally hasn't been a happy year for me. Everytime I feel like I am in the pits, there are more large scale catastrophies that remind me of how much I am taking what blessings I have for granted... but I guess I'm just not a fighter... cos' it won't be very much longer before I feel the fire in me waning...

I spoke of myself in a pursuit of my fantastical dream job... I made countless plans that never materialized... I had to take back my words on some occasions...

Maybe... I do not know what I want afterall...

For many things, I did not get the future that I expected out of it. I shudder to think of the unpresent future that hasn't arrive... and I am afraid of making any expectations of my future... cos I'm starting to think that maybe dreams do come true... but just not so for me...

My family weighs heavily on my mind, shoulders and heart...

I wish I can offer my life to someone who may treasure Life more than I do at this point...

I no longer know what I want in my life at this point cos it's been too long since I got anything I want I guess...

Are these the hardships that are supposed to mould me into a stronger person?
Are these the tripping stones to remind me that my feet would forever be on ground no matter how much I may wish to fly?
Am I fated to be the caterpillar who never grew out of the cacoon?
Is this reality... starkingly presented to me to tell me that there is no long-lived happiness?
Was Polar Express trying to tell me that the power of Believe only exist in fairy tales?

如果我 不曾走过这一遍
生命中 还有多少苦 和甜美
那风中的歌声
孤单哽咽的声音是谁
回忆中 那个少年
为何依然不停的追

想要征服的世界
始终都没有改变
那地上无声蒸发我的泪
黑暗中期待光线
生命有一种绝对
等待我 请等待我
知道约定融化成笑颜

Those who Believe, please remind me that my fairy tale may one day come true... whatever it may be...

I don't quite trust the world nor myself anymore.

Movies 2004

Till this year, my best record for movie-going was something like... 5/year for 2003... haha!

As part of my 回味 2004 theme between now till the end of the year... here's the movies I caught this year... and my company as best as I can remember...

In no chronological sequence : -

1. Alfie (Jas)
2. The Village (TW)
3. Home on the Range (TW, QM, Shea & Family)
4. Don't Stop ( MF, SY, MF's Biz)
5. Head in the Clouds (MF)
6. Mona Lisa Smile (Gladys)
7. Shrek 2 (TW?)
8. The Notebook (On plane)
9. Sweet November (On plane)
10. Swimming Upstream (On plane)
11. Dodgeball (TW)
12. White Chicks (MF, Beng, Moses)
13. The Forgotten (TW)
14. Troy (ET)
15. King Arthur (TW)
16. Spiderman 2 (TW?)
17. Bourne Identity (TW, JH @Fort Canning)
18. Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkarban (JH, JM)
19. The Passion of the Christ (TW, Shing, Aunt)
20. Shattered Glass (TW)
21. Van Helsing (TW)
22. The Day After Tomorrow (TW)
23. Super Size Me (TW)
24. Kill Bill Vol. 2 (TW)
25. 50 First Dates (TSJ)
26. The Terminal (TW)
27. Collateral (TW)
28. House of Flying Daggers (Ah Bin & Family)
29. Wimbledon (MF, SY, Aggie and relevant spouses)
30. Cold Mountain (TW)
31. Something's Gotta Give (On Plane)
32. Lost in Translation (On Plane)
33. Love Actually (TW)
34. Alexander (MF)
35. Irreversible (TW, JH, CS)
36. Phantom of the Opera (TW)
37. The Polar Express (TW)
38. Once Upon a Time In Mexico (TW)
39. Pirates of the Caribbean (TW)
40. School of Rock (TW)

I like those in this color... heh

Hopefully, will get to catch Oceans Twelve next week after watching Oceans Eleven on TV tomorrow. Regrets for the year would be... not catching Big Fish, Incredibles and De-Lovely even when free opportunities came up

:(

LAZY People Are LAZY, NOT LIARS

My biggest weakness ever is...

LAZINESS.

And LAZINESS results in INTOLERANCE... cos it is draining to put up with nonsense.

My biggest strength...

DISCIPLINE.

And I guess DISCIPLINE results in me being PRINCIPLED... cos I live by my morals.

Something like that...

Meanwhile... focussing on my weakness...

My laziness results in my not liking to drag myself out most of the time... It means that I would really like to stay home and sleep more than being out in the open, where I may get caught in the rain, meet familiar people I do not wish to acknowledge...

And most of all... my laziness makes me snap easily when I have to put up with the company around me.

Actually... I would coop up my feelings. I won't flare up THAT easily unless it's about (1) Malays, (2) Shing aka my neighbor aka my sister (sorry Shing... but you got to admit that our stars are crossed. Not our fault. Blame it on either your parents or some other cosmic forces... haha), (3) Adultery/Infidelity (Sorry... but point 2 did trigger off point 3...).

So as we can all see... as long as if you don't fall into the above 3 categories... chances are you either NEVER saw me flaring up at YOU... or you are really one asshole that I did not regard as a human when I flared up at you.

Yah yah... chances are that... I can't be bothered with you as well if you think I sound rather unreasonable or what. Despite what you think... you'll probably miss me at some point in time!

FACE IT!

YOU ultimately KNOW that I am one of the nicest person around.

Despite my impatience... YOU know how many more times I put up with you.

YOU are totally aware that... NO ONE ELSE will put up with as much nonsense from YOU.

So, for all my putting up with you, stop thinking that you can continue to push me around.

Stop accusing me of doing things that would only reflect your own double standards. I am talking about accusing me of not going out with you/cancelling out on plans because you think I have SECRETLY gone out with someone else. CRAP. Everyone jolly well knows that when I am lazy, it just means HUINI IS LAZY. Stop thinking about things in your own perspective... and superimpose the things YOU'd do onto me. Stop imagining that you'd 'catch' me philandering with some other company in the streets. YOU ARE JUST OUT OF YOUR MIND!

Cos LAZY people hate to cook up stories.

Moving Along... Around The World =)

The end of the year is near... and as I look back... the past year hasn't been all that bad for me, as much as I might have constantly wished for more to be done.

To the VJ band mates... maybe TSJ... some dwarves... and all the other etc etc people -

YES! I haven't worked all that much! But I LOVE travelling... and if I have to empty my pockets to go... I WOULD... if compelled enough...

(Yeah... the slight anti-climax to the conviction at the end of the previous line is cos'... I suddenly had the horrific thought about... whilst a M'sia trip is affordable, there is NO WAY I would throw my money into it... haha)

So... here's where I've been to for the past 15 months: -

Oct 03: Japan
Nov 03: Cambodia, Bangkok*
Feb 04: Barcelona, Milan
Mar 04: London, Paris
Apr 04: Vietnam*
May 04: Malaysia* (haiz... karma...)
Jul 04: South Korea
Nov 04: Perth*
Dec 04: Bangkok*
Pending Jan 05: HONG KONG!!!

Note: Only those with * are airfare (or bus fare for M'sia) paid for by parents. The other flights are mostly free for one reason or another. Well.. Barcelona>Milan>London>Paris was out of my own pockets. Expenses are own savings.

I'm happy with it... 12 travels in 15 months to 11 places

:)

Russia, Egypt, other African states, India, Scandinavian (heh... Santa Claus Village included)... ARGH!!! 我会不会有太多地方要去了?!?!

Meanwhile... I can only submit to troubling over to drive my mom to the AMK Ave 5, Bishan St 11 or Junction 8 NTUC :(

And I repeat... my family DOES NOT run a catering business even though my mom shops at NTUC 200 times a year.

11 Very Important Smses

I made a count...

I officially have 11 smses from Olivier!

:)

The latest one is to say that his plane is taking off soon...

He's going back to Switzerland for home leave. I didn't gather enough guts to tell him to get my loads of chocolate (or Swiss watches.. haha) on his way back... heh heh heh :p

Suddenly feel so much like I want to go to Switzerland... heard that it's nice. And I just watched Polar Express on Monday... snow and icy mountains looks very romantic to me...

And chocolates... watches... and thy swiss boss...

:p

But... I also want to see the Aurora... and I also want to go to Santa Claus Village.

Oh no... I am in touch with my very 虚荣的一面 again!

就算我看走眼了吧

People sure change.

Instead of thinking that I make gross misjudgment... I guess I'd rather submit to my zodiac nature... and believe that I can't cope well with changes.

Someone I so respected and loved so much... calls to seek my blessings on a new girl he is thinking of taking as his gf.

He knew her 2 weeks ago. They have only met 3 times.

很想好好地大哭一场，然后就把过去的四年忘得一干二净。

For TSJ 的 SJ, and tw who may know what I am talking about:

为什么拯救地球 是那么容易
为什么束手无策啊 我和你的爱情
为什么我能飞天 也能够遁地
为什么我却没办法 长驱直入你的心

And I'm not really Superwoman.

就算我看走眼了吧。